When You Believe

This song came into my mind during chapel today. Considering the season so many of us are walking through right now I think that we need to let these words sink into the depths of our hearts.

"Lord, we belive, help our unbelief (doubts)".

Many nights we've prayed
With no proof
anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we knew we could

There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe

In this time of fear
When prayers so often prove in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds
So swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here
My heart's so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say

There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe

They don't always happen when you ask(Oh)
And it's easy to give in to your fears(Oh...Ohhhh)
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see your way straight throught the rain
Small but still, resilient voice
Says love is very near(Ohhh)

There can be miracles(Miracles)
When you believe(Lord, when you believe)
Though hope is frail(Though hope is frail)
It's hard to kill(Hard to kill, Ohhh)

Who know what miracles,you can achieve
When you believe,somehow you will(somehow,somehow)
somehow you will
You will when you believe
You will when you believe
You will when you believe
Just believe...just believe
You will when you believe

-Miriah Carey from "The Prince of Egypt"

Guilt

Twice in the last three days has an old wound been prodded in my heart. Since high school I have carried the guilt of the vilest sin. I am a murderer. I killed my Lord. I know that it was my sin that deserved the cross, the cross should have been mine. But in an act of unfathomable grace Jesus took it upon himself. He laid on the cross as I took the hammer in my hand and violently drove the nails into his flesh. Maybe that is why I have compassion on Judas, on Peter, on the soliders, Pilate, Caiphas, I see myself no different from them. Even as I proclaim the fact that Jesus died so that we might be forgiven, I stand in condemnation of myself. I can only begin to imagine the cost of my sin and to know that Jesus did that for me, because of me, I am haunted by a guilt that I cannot escape.

Guilt has kept me in bondage for far too long. Every time I condemn myself I say that I am beyond his forgiveness, which is a lie. God brought a passage to me this morning during Communion. Hebrews 10 is all about how Christ sacrifice was the final one required, his blood was the perfect offering for atonement.

"If it could, would they not have stopped being offered? For the worshipers would have been cleansed once for all, and would no longer have felt guilty for their sins." (10:2)

"let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water."

Christ came not only to forgive us from our sins, but also to free us from the guilt that they bring. How amazingly humbling is that realization to one who has long been condemned by guilt of sins? How freeing!!

It's been almost 5 years since I wrote this poem, while on my Chrysalis flight, but the truths in it still speak loud.

"The Ruined Cross" or "The Priceless Gift"

The ruined cross lay before me
the evidence was clear
every nail that I had driven
had caused another tear.

And as I watched my sins amount
from the heart of Christ
a crimson flow
burst out.

Soon the cross was covered
not a splinter left.
For with my nail holes
God gave the Priceless gift.

Destroyed

Chapel today was amazing. We had a guest artist come in and he told the story of the Passion of the Christ through sand art. Each scene built upon the one before it and it was constantly shifting and changing. There was one scene that was particularly poignant for me. Right after Judas kisses Jesus, the artist threw sand all over the picture completely destroying everything he had worked to create. Sometimes I feel that is what we do with our relationship with Christ. We put so much time and energy into creating something beautiful and then in a moment of thoughtlessness we destroy everything.

The other thing that occurred to me during chapel, which had me in tears for a half hour is realizing that the cross is going to destroy me. Every Lent, for the past 4 years, has gotten harder and harder to walk. I think it is because the Cross is becoming more real to me. It's not just some historical fact, or religious story. The Cross is this imposing, powerful reality that I am slowing being crushed under the weight of its truth and glory. The thing is I'm not really scared about being destroyed, about having my whole identity swallowed up by the Cross. Part of me still struggles to maintain my independence, but that piece is becoming smaller and smaller (Praise God).

He Follwed at a Distance

Mark 1: 16-18
Mark 14: 26-31, 53 – 54, 66 – 72

He followed at a distance. I think that is one of the saddest verses in the gospel, and it is probably one of the most overlooked as well. So much is happening in this chapter it is easy to get focused on Jesus’ trail or on Peter’s denial. I think that the real question is not what Peter did, but why. Why after swearing he would not deny Christ did he go and do it anyway?
The first time we meet Peter is in chapter 1. He is out fishing when Jesus calls him. His response is to immediately leave everything to follow Jesus. Then in chapter 8, Peter confesses Jesus as Messiah. It seems Peter has it all figured out. So what happened Friday night?

To Peter’s credit he was one of two disciples who actually followed Jesus after he was arrested. Peter followed Jesus right into the courtyard of the high priest. A courtyard filled with temple guards. It is likely that several of those gathered around the fire had just come back from Gethsemane and here Peter is, standing in the midst of them. Maybe he was counting on the shadows and the darkness to hide him till he could figure out what was going to happen to Jesus. It’s understandable that when the servant girl asks him if he was with Jesus that he would play dumb, “I have no idea what you are talking about.” When she brings others into it I can imagine him getting pretty jittery, feeling backed into a corner, “You must have me mistaken for someone else.” By the third time, he figures that’s he is caught, so this time, “I swear to God I’m not this man.”

Then it clicked. Matthew & Luke both say “he went out and wept bitterly”, Mark says “he broke down and wept”. The point is Peter was devastated by his own lack of faith. My thought is that Peter’s faith crumbled because he had been “following at a distance.” He wanted to be close enough to Jesus for the benefits, without the dangers that came with being a “follower of Christ.” He wanted it both ways and when he realized he couldn’t, he broke like Humpty Dumpty. Peter’s story could have the same tragically sad ending, but it doesn’t, because while all the kings’ horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty together again, the king could. Peter is restored and according to tradition he ultimately ends up making good on his promise in the garden by being crucified upside-down in Rome for proclaiming Jesus Christ.

Where does that leave us today? The call is still the same for us as it was for Peter and the other disciples. “Follow me?” How close are we willing to follow Christ? It’s easy to say “Oh I’ll follow him to the very end. I’ll die for him.” Peter said the exact same thing, and that was after literally following him for three years. The problem is that we often don’t know how far we will actually go for Christ until we are tested. In America it is unlikely that a confession of Jesus Christ will lead to death. Unfortunately this means it is all too easy to be a semi-follower of Christ. As long as we keep him in sight we consider it good enough. Personally I would love to be following so closely I keep stepping on his heels. I pray that you share the same desire.

“Abba, you invite each of us to journey in your footsteps. But we confess that we are lazy, or scared, or have a thousand different excuses for not following you as closely as we should. I pray you give us faith enough to follow close to you. Let us not be content following you at a distance. Draw us into closer and deeper relationships with you. We pray all this in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”

Come Find

Warrior, come find your rest
at the foot of my cross
let my flowing blood
heal your wounds.

Princess, come find your place
at the foot of my cross
let me crown of thorns
bring glory to your head.

Child, come find your Father
at the foot of my cross
let my Abba
hold you close.

Wanderer, come find your home
at the foot of my cross
let my Spirit
make you welcome here.

Student, come find your teacher
as you gaze upon my cross
let my wisdom
bring understanding to your heart.

Preacher, come find your Pastor
hanging on my cross
let my grace
bring peace enough.

Sinner, come find forgiveness
at the foot of my cross
let my mercy
bring complete holiness.

To all,
he invites,
"Come find."